Cancer+Chemo+Beauty?

I have cancer and I have been fighting it for five years now.  Cancer has taken its toll.  I have scars on my body from two leg surgeries and four lung surgeries.  I have lost my hair three times.  Currently I am bald and have no eyebrows.  I have no bottom eyelashes but some of my top ones are still hanging on.  I have dark circles around my eyes.  I often don't recognize the big eyed person with no eyebrows and the Mr. Clean head that stares back at me in the mirror.  But guess what?  I still feel beautiful.

Without my head full of dark brunette curls, people notice my brown eyes and my smile more.  I felt beautiful when my husband offered to shave my head clean when those last few locks of hair left made me look more like a character in The Lord of the Rings than I was comfortable with.  He put his hand on my freshly shaved bald head and told me I had a "pretty coconut".  What girl wouldn't feel beautiful after hearing that? 

Having no hair is actually a rather freeing experience.  My hair has always been a pill.  Naturally curly and long, I fussed with it way more than was necessary.  I cannot even imagine the hours of my life I wasted worrying about it and taking care of it.  Now, I plop a cap on my head and call it a day.  No more panic if I get caught in the rain or knowing a trip to the beach will turn me into a complete frizz head.  I like that.   Don't get me wrong, I do miss my hair but for this season in my life, I am doing okay without it.

I love makeup and making myself up but I am of that "certain age" where I feel completely comfortable going without it.  I may get a few stares if I go out completely bare faced since having no eyebrows is usually off putting for most people, but I don't feel self-conscious or ugly.

The flip side to this is that with the proper makeup, I can look pretty normal and fool people into thinking I am not sick at all.  I love how I can create the perfect eyebrows with a couple strokes of an eyebrow pencil and make the few lashes I have left look longer and lusher with some mascara.  Those horrible dark circles can be covered with the right concealer and a pink blush brings that rosy glow back to my cheeks.  Makeup is good.  Makeup makes me feel beautiful.  

Just because you are going through chemo doesn't mean your beauty is gone.  Your beauty is just different than it was before.  Embrace it.